Why are you so skinny?

This isn't the typical type of post from me today, It's a somewhat controversial post, that I hope plenty of you can sink your teeth into (do not bite too hard, this is not a debate).
I also want to say that I am in no way looking for attention and I don't want any of you reading this too roll your eyes and think "shut up, you're so lucky you are so skinny"

I am writing this post because recently I have had a few comments about my weight and also I have found that my weight can actually make people view me as fragile and weak and not as strong and can actually stop me from doing things I am perfectly capable of doing! That REALLY grinds my gears.

I'd like to point out, I in no way, shape, or form have ever had an eating disorder. Those of you who know me, will know I eat whenever I like and whatever I like.  Pizzas, Burgers, Chips, Mcdonalds, Fizzy drinks. I eat no less than the average girl...yet why am I so incredibly skinny? The answer here is simply "Metabolism". My metabolism is what I'd like to call "super metabolism". For those of you who don't know what metabolism is, it's basically a chemical reaction that happens in all your living organisms to help maintain life, in non scientific forms, the rate at which your body burns calories and breaks down fat. Having a high metabolism means that it is impossible for me to put on weight, and maintain it. My body breaks down fat and burns calories at a stupidly fast rate. Now I know for a fact, that many of you will be reading this thinking "Shut up Bethany, I'd absolutely LOVE to have a high metabolism"..but let me tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

You always hear about larger people going through a tough time trying to lose weight, slim people can go through just as much of a tough time trying to put it on, but nobody ever really thinks of that.

"Are you anorexic", "you need to put some weight on", "You are a bag of bones", "why are you so boney", "why are you so skinny", "get some meat on your bones", "are you okay?"

All this you would kind of expect from curious school children, but what astonishes me, is that people still ask me these things. People I  know.Would you say these things to someone who was noticeably larger than the average person?

"Are you obese", "you need to loose weight", "you are a big bag of fat", "why are you so fat" "you need to get some meat off those bones" "are you..okay?"

No. You just wouldn't ask those questions would you. So why is it acceptable to ask a skinny person questions of the same criteria? Do you think it doesn't affect them in the same way it would someone who was fat?

 I wish I could be a little bigger, but I have the joy of being able to scoff a whole tub of ben and jerrys and not have to worry. Trust me though, my skin and organs probabaly do not appreciate this, and I'm very unhealthy. You won't ever catch me eating a bowl of salad or nuts & raisins. I am almost sure my metabolism will not stay this way forever, it will all catch up with me, and then my decade of eating rubbish food will probabaly result in me waking up and being 10x bigger.

I recently got upset by someone by them saying "Bethany, you are SO skinny". For a start...how the hell do you even respond to something like that? I think I just stood with my mouth open, wondering what on earth made it okay to say something like that? What was going on in this persons mind? Would this person have said the same thing to a fat person? Nope. Because calling someone fat is seen as an insult, but calling someone out to be too skinny...is apparently acceptable? I think commenting on anybodies weight is unnaceptable. Who are you to judge someone by the size of them?

It's really not fair. Nobody ever takes into account genes, metabolism, bone structure, medical problems. There are thousands or reasons people are how they are, and why people are the size they are.

So, is calling someone skinny really acceptable? Or, do you agree with me that it's just as insensitive as calling someone fat? As as naturally skinny person, I can tell you that it's not very nice being called out for being "too skinny." It's a bit of a touchy subject but one I wanted to address.

Moral of the story here though, is that I don't really think it's ever acceptable to comment on anybody's weight, skinny or fat. Why should you ever be allowed an opinion on someone else's body or way of life? You can think it in your head, but the minute you open your mouth it becomes very dangerous, that is of course unless you are opening your mouth to give a compliment, by all means do this. If YOU are happy with the way you look, that's all that matters, and if you aren't, chances are you are doing something about it and working towards something you know you will make you happy.

Everybody is different, and nobody is perfect. It would be a very boring place if this wasn't the case.

 

 

<3

 

Dear 16 year old me...

Writing a letter to 16 year old you may seem abit psycho (!) but I think writing it has made me realise just how far I have come in a few years. If you are younger than me, please, learn from this letter. 

 Here is my letter to 16 year old me..

 

Dear Bethany,

You are beautiful. So what you wear glasses and have a brace? Glasses will become a trend in a few years time. And that brace? That brace that is so painful, and annoying and unattractive, will one day give you teeth that everyone is jealous of.

That acne on your face? It’s really not as bad as it seems. It looks 100 times worse to you than it does to anyone else. And one day it will be gone – I know its hard to believe now, but one day you will have no acne, just have patience with those tablets. They DO work.

Oh and Bethany! Study for your exams – GCSE’s and A levels that will soon be here. I know it’s boring and tedious but those courses you want to do at university you’ll only be able to do if you get the grades.  And trust me Bethany, those courses will be so much harder to get into in the year 2012. Pick media and English and health and social for a level. And stick with the philosophy, it gets better!

Bethany – use your talent. Don’t hide it away because you feel everyone else is so much better at it than you. SING GIRL. Have the confidence to let go on that stage. Don’t be so tense. God gave you that voice, use it. Improve every day. Go to that theatre group you’ve been wanting to go too. Don’t be shy.

That boy you’re in love with and are planning a future with? He’s not thinking the same dear girl. He’s 16... for a boy, in emotional intelligence that’s about 13. Don’t pin all your hopes and dreams on him because he’s going to break your heart. And another boy will break your heart after him too because you still won’t have learned to put your hope and plans in God rather than on a boy. And neither of them will ever speak to you again even though they say they want to be friends. But you will learn eventually. And you will become strong. And just because your heart gets broken it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. No Bethany, you are not ugly, you are not unlovable, and you won’t be alone forever. You are so young and the plans for you are so massive, and your character is being built.

Those girls at school you really want to be like? Don’t be.  Stay you at school. Stand up for what you believe in, stand up for that girl getting bullied because she has special needs. Stand up to those girls who laugh at you for not wearing make up to school, or for going to church on a Sunday and not getting drunk every weekend. Don’t be that girl who every Monday was sitting in the loo’s crying about what she had done with that boy on the weekend. When you get to 19 you will realise that you are just as good as them. You are just as pretty. You are just as “cool”

Don’t worry so much about what people think about you! I bet you there is at least one person out there who wishes they could be just like you. I know it’s difficult because you want to be liked and popular, but the people who are right for you and good for your life will love you FOR BEING BETHANY and not for being something you are not.

The friends you have at school at the moment? Treasure every moment with them, every laugh, every disagreement. Because you’ll only be in contact with 2 of those school friends  when you’re 19. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing, you see Bethany, people change, they move on.  People who you thought were your friends really won’t be, and they will do things and say things that hurt you. And you will meet people in the most unexpected of ways who will change your life and become life long friends.  Never take for granted those friends who always make an effort with you, because in life it’s not about who you have known for the longest – it’s about who came and never left.

That job of yours that you really don’t like going too? It’s really not that bad. Stick it out. You’ll realise how blessed you were to be in such a good Saturday job.

Bethany – value your family. I know it may seem like they are always getting on your back and telling you what to do. But they know best and they know you better than anyone. They will always be the ones there to pick up the pieces when you are broken. And don’t forget Bethany, as you get older, so are your parents so look after them. Be a role model for your younger sister; don’t do anything you wouldn’t want her to do.

Finally Bethany, never stop putting God first. Once you stop putting God in charge of your life, and going down your own road it will leave you broken.  If something doesn’t feel right in your heart and gut in your life then it probably isn’t – never ignore that feeling.

x

 

What would you tell your 16 year old self? For some of you reading this 16 may be ages ago, for some of you 16 will be more recent and some of you won’t have even reached 16 yet. Just remember, it is never too late to become who we really want to be and to do all the things we want to do.

Valentines

Valentines day is fast approaching. It's a day people either LOVE or HATE. Abit like marmite I suppose...
 It makes those in relationships jump for joy and those of us that are single groan and duvet cocoon. I for one have never been that bothered about it, sure it's nice to get gifts and be shown you're appreciated, but the person who loves you should do that everyday not just on Feburary the 14th.

I've been thinking about love alot recently. We are bought up with movies, songs and literature that make love seem perfect, romantic and if anything goes wrong with it, can usually be fixed within 24hours. Reality is not like this, as many of us learn the hard way.

I've been IN love twice. Being in love is a good thing BUT it's not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. I've had to learn you cannot make the basis of it your whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it's still a feeling and as we all know you can't rely on a feeling to last in it its full intensity or to even last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last, but a feeling? A feeling comes and goes. And  the state of being "in love" doesn't usually last. (Please don't think I'm being depressing this is going somewhere I promise)

If the old fairytale of "they lived happily ever after" is taken to mean that for the next fifty years of your life with someone you felt exactly the same as you did the day before you got married - how undesirable would that be?! Who could bear to live in such excitement for THAT long? What would become of your work, appetite, friendships and your sleep?

I'm not saying that ceasing to be IN love need not mean ceasing to love. Love is distinct from being IN love because it is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity. Two people can have this love for eachother even at moments when they do not like eachother. They retain this love even when they could both easily, if they allowed themselves, be IN love with someone else.

That is what we all need to find. That is what I want to find. I'm so DONE with chasing. I'm so DONE with loving someone and giving my all to someone who doesn't give it all back. So what if I'm romanced? I want someone that even after those butterflies have gone, and their normal sleeping pattern has returned still loves me. I think everyone deserves that kind of love.
I havn't found that kind of love yet - I've been IN love. But I think the people I've loved didn't want to be alone (maybe I didn't want to be alone...) Or maybe I was good for their ego. Or maybe I made them feel better about their lives - but at the end of it, you don't destroy people you love. You stick with them.

Being IN love is the explosion that starts it all.

I'm not completly on a downer this valentines day... Ever looked at John 3:16 from the bible?  It spells VALENTINE down the middle!

So this valentines day you are not alone, you have God who loves you so much let his SON die for you? Has anybody else in your life done that for you? By letting his son DIE for you, if you believe in him, then guess what? You will never die but have life forever with God.
I can't think of a better valentines gift.

Bethany x

Part of his divine plan...

I took a gap year to figure out what it is I want to do with the rest of my adult life. How are we as 17 year olds in our first year of college with all the pressures being a teenager brings; (exams, friends relationships, apperance, part time jobs...) also meant to decide what to do with the rest of our lives? IT'S UTTER NONSENSE. MOST OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW AT THIS AGE STILL HAVE THEIR PARENTS COOK THEIR DINNER AND GIVE THEM POCKET MONEY.

It also makes me laugh how our education system won't let certain people apply for certain courses if they don't have the predicted grades. For example one of my best friends wants to be a doctor; she would make a fantastic doctor, but because her school will not predict her the grades (that she could so easily get) that she needs to get into study medicine she can't apply for medicine - her dream ruined. Do schools/the government realise the pressure and the emotional strain they are putting on young people?!

Of course there are some people out there who know exactly what it is they want to do, and can go straight from school/college to get a degree and they should see themselves as fortunate. But what about people like me who have no idea what they want to do? Or people also like me who want to do everything.

I've wanted to be a teacher, a nurse, a midwife, a politician (harrdeeharr) an actress, a singer, an air stewardess, a receptionist, an arts centre manager, and a lady of leisure. I admit, I'm fickle. I get told I'm fickle by everyone. I get told that I should know by now what I want to do. I get told I won't get anywhere in life. You know what?

I'M 19 YEARS OLD. GIVE ME A CHANCE. I'M YOUNG.

Taking a gap year has made me grow up into an adult for sure; I have to earn my living doing a job I really hate, I have to be independent and I have to finally decide what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I think I've finally realised that I do need to go to university and I do need to get a degree. University is where your life starts, and I'm scared I'll be left behind in little old Tolworth Road forever if I don't break out of my comfort zone. I have a place at Portsmouth university for September 2013, however being the fickle person I am I no longer believe this is the right place for me.

I want to stay in London - move out of Surbiton - but stay in London; not just because my family live here, but because I am a London girl through and through. I was born there, I go every weekend, I LOVE the people, the theatre, the sights. And also, if I stay in London I will be able to carry on singing. Those of you that know me know I am torn between getting into theatre or working with children/young people.

 So, I'm now looking at London Universities to do a Childhood and Youth Studies degree... don't ask me what I want that degree to lead into, as I have no idea. I'm not sure if I will be allowed to apply for 2013 (I will find out tomorow GULP) and if I can't then I will have to take another gap year... HAH! (More ranting blog posts for you all!)

I guess I've just go to remember that I am where God wants me to be at this very moment; every experience is part of his divine plan.

But don't think this will be my final choice, I'm fickle and am bound to find something else in the next few months... unless this is what God really wants!

Until next time,
Bethany x

Dangerous Ramblings

Happy New Year everyone! May 2013 bring you love, joy and happiness - and I hope you achieve all that you wish to do.

Today's blog is just going to be general ramblings. I am one of these people that has many thoughts throughout the day, so this could be a very boring blog if you don't like rambling.

My ever continuing thought of the day today has been; I'M BORED. I have nothing to do on a Monday! My gap year hasn't really turned out how I wanted it too - and I've kept that on the quiet for a while until last night I had some sort of emotional breakdown in front of my parents declaring that "EVERYTHING IS SILLY!"
 Everyone think's that gap years are so great, and you can laze around all day and watch TV and eat junk food and sleep. Thats true, you can do that but its boring! There is nothing to watch on TV, sleep is overated (if you sleep during the day what are you going to do at night?!) and junk food makes me spotty. Oh and we also have none in my house! The worst thing about being bored is that it can make you lonely. Thats right, I'm admitting - gap years make you lonely. Unless you have the money to jet off to an exotic country and meet amazing people. My parents are at work all day, my sisters are at school/work, my friends have all moved to university and my boyfriend is at drama school 9am-9pm EVERYDAY which means I hardly get to speak to him.

That brings me on to my next point. Long Distance Relationships.( I really hope Ashley doesn't mind me writing this... gulp)
Long distance relationships are hard. I’m sorry, but they are. Yeah, there are some pretty great things about them – unlimited alone time, not having to fight for space, but on the whole, being miles apart kind of blows. And whether you feel like acknowledging it or not, distance has a definite impact on the dynamics of a relationship.

A serious long distance relationship, I’m pretty sure, is not the same as having a long distance crush When you have a long distance crush, everything’s new. It’s exciting. You’re getting to know someone over the only modes of communication you have and it’s the biggest emotional tease, really, because the possibility of anything is wide open. Maybe you’ll meet them, maybe you won’t. Maybe it will be idyllic like it is in the movies or maybe it’ll be a horrendous disaster.

But when you’re trying to make something that already exists, something with arms and legs, legitimately work long distance, it’s difficult. It’s difficult because you have the best and worst of both worlds – all the freedom of being single and none of the fun, all the comfort of being in a relationship and none of the contact. It’s like you already have a large part of your life figured out but it’s mysteriously nowhere to be found, and when you think about it, that’s probably one of the weirdest feelings you’ll ever get.

I’m pretty new at this long distance thing so I’m not certain I know what I’m talking about, but I think a large part of making it work is actually two things I’m embarrassingly bad at: Hope and Optimism. Hope as in, you put your everything into it and hope it doesn’t spontaneously combust (or worse, slowly fizzle out), and optimism as in, you don’t allow yourself to succumb to occasional pervasive feelings of loneliness and pointlessness. But when those feelings crop up, they’re unavoidable. How do you handle them? How do you know it’s worth it? What do you have to tell yourself to feel okay?

 It’s scary too because you realize just how fragile it is, how fragile what you’re trying to keep alive really is. You can visit each other, you can Skype, you can do small things that make you feel connected to each other’s lives, but even those can sometimes seem like paltry offerings thrown into the void when you consider the vastness. You also realize how frighteningly easy it is to disconnect. When you fight long distance, for example, it’s not immediate. It’s all radio waves. You can literally be done with each other in the click of a button and knowing that is equal parts crippling and fascinating and all too real.

WOW I'm sorry but thats what has been going on in my brain for most of the day! And if any of you reading this are about to have a long distance relationship please don't freak out - it's not all doom and gloom!

Anyway on a happier topic, I also had a random thought today that I'd like to try baking. Any of my family reading this will laugh as they know I am hopeless in the kitchen! But I found this website that gives you easy baking recipes and I'm just going to start off with cupcakes but its a start isin't it?
This is my favourite cupcake recipe I want to try...

http://bakingmad.com/recipes/cupcake-recipe/ice-cream-cone-cupcakes
How cool is that? Ice-cream cones AND cake together! Maybe I'll blog when I make these on Friday and let you know how they go...

Finally I will just include what my favourite thing to watch on Tv is at the moment when I am SO bored I decide to turn the Tv on. It's Ripper Street on BBC one! I LOVE it. If you like Crime/Murder/History then it is a programme for you.

Bethany x