So my 4 month summer holiday from University is coming to an end (I go back in 13 days!) and what a 4 months it has been, heck what a year it has been since my blog post last year about starting university! The blog post was called "Adventure is out there" & this is what I wrote.. "I'm off to York in 12 days and I am nervous but excited and feel a total sense of peace that there is where I am meant to be. It has taken a long time, and it's been a tough road but I've made it" Well as I approach my second year I once again feel like saying "I've made it" (and not just through my own strength!)
My blog is called "confessions of a pastors kid" so I guess it's time to start confessing..
The first term at university I absolutely LOVED! I was meeting new people, the course wasn't too intense, I was exploring a new town, I was going out and not having to inform anyone where I was, I could buy what I wanted to eat etc etc.. But then second term came and I 100% believed I wasn't going to make it into third term or second year. Everybody I had spoken too about going to university warned me; "second term of first year is a really tough time" and for anybody reading this who is about to go to uni - I'm afraid its true, but PLEASE hang on in there! Second term is the coldest winter months, where the days get dark about 3pm and it rains every hour of the day, mixed with having to make decisions with who you are going to live with for your second year, + for me I decided to get emotionally involved with someone who mucked me around big time, & then I failed a vital exam that was supposed to let me continue on my course. I cried to my mama (sorry ma) saying I was going to transfer to a London university & that I wasn't cut out for social work. (Gulp)
But I got through! I got a massive kick in the teeth & I passed the exam with flying colours second time around & eventually summer term came and life was (kind of) smooth sailing again - even though the essays became extremely intense.
So after whirlwind of a rollercoaster of first year it was my long summer holiday time! But honestly this summer has flown by so quickly & I've learnt a lot not being at university too. (I'm a strong believer in the education of LIFE) This summer I really feel like I've grown up (haha) but in the sense of I've worked a lot to earn my own money, I lived by myself for a week (I know, just a week but STILL) which I couldn't do when I was 18 because I was too scared of the boiler making strange noises and the cats jumping on me in the middle of the night! (I do however still cook pasta as my main meal) I've learnt that you have to make choices eventually in life that reflect your hopes and not your fears. I learnt that some people only enter your life for a short while & that it is OK to let people go if you feel they no longer benefit to your mental/emotional/physical wellbeing. I've also learnt that God always knows the right things for you & especially the right people for you & I feel I have recovered well from a bruise that was made on my heart. I've learnt to value the friendships I have up in York & what real adult friendships are about, and most importantly I've loved every moment spent with my family & that family unconditionally love you even when you do really stupid things (such as falling out of a trolley and so making them spend silly hours with you in A&E whilst you reek of last nights alcohol and sweat...)
ANYWAY.
I feel a mixture of emotions about the upcoming year... I have a lot in front of me; Which is SO exciting, because after a brief horizontal life pause (a nap) this afternoon, I awoke and thought how lovely it is that I have things in front of me to look forward too and that for the first time in a really long time I'm not looking back. I'm not looking back at things I wish I had done, or things I wish I hadn't done. I've stopped looking back and trying to win back people I've lost because I am genuinely just so ready to move forward and begin my second year. I'm going to be living with 5 of my best friends (which in itself at the moment is all fun and games and a bit of a novelty) + I am embarking on becoming a "real life social worker" within my first placement.
I know of course, that there are going to be challenging times ahead - I am such a home bird & love my family to pieces so leaving them behind is going to tear my heart a little, but the funny thing is I've missed the excitement of coming home. Whilst I live in York, I can plan my train journey's back home and count down the days & that feeling when I'm finally on the train and seeing my family again is indescribable and I'm quite looking forward to having that again! Not that I take my family for granted AT ALL, but absence really does make the heart grow fonder & as I have grown older I have come to realise just how much my family does for me. I suppose what I am continually learning is that time flies by and that life goes on & doesn't wait for anybody. Beautiful and terrible things are going to happen to myself, and to everyone else but you can't unpack and stay in the terrible moments. You have too embrace life and all that it throws at you and know that whatever your facing is only for a little while.
So here we go.. countdown to second year. Bring on the rollercoaster.
