One foot in front of the other

"When you can't sense what God is up to, may you trust even more his heart towards you. When your journey is different than you would choose, may you see His invitation to make you new. When the storm rages overhead, may you know with everything in you, that new mercies are on the other side. And when you're tempted to overstate your problems and understate his promises, may you step back and find your footing again"

Okay. Deep breathes. This is going to be a long, rambled piece of writing and I am feeling quite vulnerable putting this out on the world wide web, but I have an urge to publish it. I havn't written a "downcast" blog for a few months now, but I have always used this as a place to express everything & share my hearts concerns and maybe it will help/bless someone else...

These past 3 months, I have been in a high state of anxiety. For a reason that is my own doing and my own fault. I was putting someone in creation before God and it has caused me to worry and feel anxious about many things and I feel I have wasted opportunities and I am feeling the repercussions of it now. You see worry is a distracted and divided mind. My mind has been this way for a good few months. It has affected life and choices I have made. I don't really want to go into too much detail but lets just say all my efforts and thoughts have been set on one thing for a few months, and my mind has been divided also because I have been battling between choosing a human and choosing God. I was starting to build a new life on something completely unstable whilst knowing all along it wasn't entirely right to be doing so and now its all collapsed and got pretty messy.  I know for some people reading this, that will be the most stupid reason ever to feel anxious, but anxiety comes in all shapes and forms and reasons and whatever your anxious situation it can overwhelm you, paralyse you, make you feel hopeless and cause a heck of unnecessary paranoia.

Growing up in a Christian home and being a Christian myself I have constantly heard the words "do not be afraid" and "do not be anxious about anything" but these words used to just be words to me. But, God literally is telling me to NOT be afraid, and he isn't saying this is in a condemning, angry way, but he is saying this because he's got me, he's with me & nobody is going to attack me (be that psychologically or physically) Everything has been in my head. And what I and those of us creating these anxious states for ourselves need to do is get out of our heads, stop having conversations with ourselves and start having conversations in a vertical direction with the One who has got your situation in hand.  We all talk ourselves into these crazy situations in our heads & make things worse whilst if we talked to God about our problems they would seem so small. 

God has got whatever you are going through right now and he is doing a new and beautiful thing within you. 

In my last blog I talked about making mistakes and I have made a huge one; but once again, you fall you rise, you live, you learn. I've been hurt, but I'm alive and it is a precious thing to be alive, because I get to breathe and think and enjoy things and chase things I love. And sometimes there is going to be sadness in our journey's but there is also going to be lots of beauty. And we must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we are hurt, because we never know what is waiting for us just around the bend. 

Thank goodness for forgiveness and second chances eh?