The 4 S'

I want to dedicate this blog post to a friend of mine who is going on a life changing rollercoaster at the moment.

Pastor Rick Warren wrote a beautiful article in Christianity magazine about his son's suicide and how his wife and himself have gotten through the past year. The article has really helped me after the suicide I witnessed, but the article can be used for any challenging, upsetting situation that anybody goes through. From a death, to a heartbreak, to loosing a job, to your plans being drastically changed from something you have had your heart set on to being thrown into the unknown. I don't want to focus on the suicide aspect in todays blog; this blog is for all of you going through life changing situations and will hopefully help you make sense of the emotions you are feeling.  All of the words I am typing are my own, but the four headings (shock, sorrow, struggle and surrender) are Rick's idea.

 When something sad or bad or disappointing happens to us, there are 4 stages that we as human beings go through.

The first is shock. Having recently been diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) I can tell you that shock is a horrible, horrible feeling. It's not just the immediate after effect of a situation where you feel slightly dizzy and sweaty, its an on going thing in some situations where you can become quite a different person to who you used to be and is something that needs to be dealt with in whatever way you can. I'm not going to write much on shock because I think it is self explanatory, but for some people shock can last a few minutes, others a few days, and for others, many years.

 

Stage 2; Sorrow

After the shock comes the sadness. The depressing "why me" thoughts. The thoughts that your life is unfair and that it never goes your way, and WHY is God throwing yet another crappy situation into your life.  Sometimes the sadness from whatever has happened to you can overwhelm your whole body. Some people will become reclusive and quiet and not want to speak to anybody. Others will weep out loud, the cries coming from the pit of their stomachs. Sorrow is normal & if anybody tells you that you are being over dramatic about whatever you are going through - walk away. Yes there are always going to be people going through tougher situations than you, but its hurting you so much right now because it mattered to YOU.  Sadness is SO normal, and yet even as I say that, you must try not become a mere sadness. Yes, be sad, cry & need cuddles and question things. But don't let it stop you from doing life.

 

Stage 3: Struggle

 

I suppose sorrow and struggle could be a blended stage. However in the struggle stage, part of you knows you need to be trying your very hardest to move on. But it is a struggle. People may ask you if you still believe in God and all his plans for you. My response for this would be "I have never doubted God or his existence, but I have doubted his wisdom" (we shouldn't doubt God's wisdom, but for someone struggling it can be difficult to see what he is up too)  It's a struggle to find motivation, a struggle to stop talking about it, a struggle not to think about it every waking moment. I guess part of the struggle is accepting that this (whatever it is) has happened; but it's part of your story now...

 

Stage 4; Surrender

 

So you were in shock, you cried, you tried to sleep, you struggle to return to normality and then something inside of you whispers that you can let go now. I've written these stages in the space of a few minutes, but in reality these stages can take a long time to get through, and you can sometimes do a full circle of the first three stages before you reach surrender. Saying "I surrender" is scary. It means you have let go of whatever has happened to you and put it elsewhere. For a Christian, they can say "I surrender" to God, and know that God will take them in his loving arms & protect them and help them every step of the way.

Surrender is saying "I don't know why God has put me in this situation, but I would rather walk with God and have all my questions unanswered than have all my questions answered and walk without God"

 

I hope this blog can help some of you in whatever situations you are facing. I found having names of the stages of the emotions I was (and am) feeling helped me to conquer those feelings a little better, and I hope it can do the same for you.

 

Bethany x